It’s not me it’s you

According to Thursday’s Oprah show, men are evil. No wait, what she really said is 1 out of 3 men will cheat (and expressed she felt this number was higher). the audience was full of heterosexual couples (I suppose gay/lesbian couples don’t have cheating issues?) and of course if someone in that couple cheated, it was the man.

We learn from an expert (male, ironically?) that men cheat not because of sex, but because they are lonely. Because they need to feel like they can “win” in relationships. Bet you didn’t know that relationships were about winning and losing instead of partnerships. I won’t even get in to that one.

We’re also told that men need to feel appreciated for the fact that they go to work everyday. Well, so do us women. I go to work everyday! I don’t expect appreciation for doing my job, for being financially responsible. Men feel that it’s taken for granted that they have to go to work every day and we ladies need to tell them “thank you” when they get home. This is of course assuming that we ARE HOME before they get home so we can greet them at the door with our pearls and heels and say “honey, I’m glad you do what you should do as a responsible adult.”

Women have long complained that we work, take care of children, manage the household and whatever else that needs to be done without so much as a glance of acknowledgement. But when a man washes the dishes we’re supposed to praise him. Now we’re being told by one of the biggest cultural influences of our time that we need to continue to pander to his behavoir, to let the analogy of our relationships be that of a fight (winning), all so that he doesn’t cheat?

Disclaimer: If you know me you know I don’t believe all men/women behave this way. But can’t you see how the stereotypes continue to be reinforced?



Filed under Culture, Gender issues

3 responses to “It’s not me it’s you

  1. mike osborne

    I think that as it has become more common place to find women in positions of power both in the workplace and socially, the role of the “man” in relationships have shifted.

    Oprah’s expert was probably trying to explain that along with working for a living, men have assumed a stronger presence in the home due to contemporary social mores and do feel underappreciated just as women had for decades before.

    Not only is it expected of a man to accept this stronger presence in the household, but it is also expected of these men to assume any “man” duty that still arises in the household.

    How many women on the show today had ever been under the bathroom sink cleaning out a clog or outside changing a spark plug on the lawnmower? My mother, for example, is 54 years old and has never pumped gas in her life.

    Still, if these women were asked to press a shirt for a man, or god forbid prepare a meal for a man and his friends it would automatically be assumed that the man was a chauvanist (sic) and expected his wife to do “woman’s work.”

    I’m not defending cheating, nor am I completely agreeing with Oprah’s “expert,” having not seen today’s show. But eventually somethings got to give.

    Although women have been a stronger presence in the workforce, and trust me we’re proud of you all, men do need appreciation just as badly as you did decades ago. It’s time to see that the shoe is definitely on the other foot for a change.

  2. profsw

    “men do need appreciation just as badly as you did decades ago” Mike, we STILL need appreciation. I work, I manage the home, the finances, and everything else.

    I feel it needs to be equal and it needs to be both ways. Sure men stray when they’re ignored, and I get that concept, but to say that we need to do everything and he needs to….do nothing? Because women are told all the time-on tv, in magazines-that if we say thank you, if we do all these things THEN the men will do it in return. I say bull, life shows me otherwise.

  3. mike osborne

    I think you took what I said out of context. Of course women still need attention. What I am saying is that women shouldn’t starve men of attention just because they felt deprived in the past.

    Relationships should be equal partnerships in which both people mutually respect and appreciate each other. However, it is true that this is often times not the case.

    Maybe what this expert was trying to say is that sometimes men seek out attention from other places when they’re not getting it at home. Women may not act in that same way making them less likely to cheat than men.

    Not saying that all women should coddle to their man’s every want because they cleaned a dish or did a load of laundry. But it is time for women to realize that just as they have assumed a greater role in society and the workplace, men have assumed a greater role at home and desire the same amount of attention and appreciation as they do.

    Also, this is not a free pass for all men who feel neglected to run out and sleep with the first person that bats an eyelash either. Not to get all Dr. Phil on ya or anything, but communication is the best way to any healthy relationship.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is that if we all just appreciated each other a little more EQUALLY, we wouldn’t have as many of these problems.

    The heels and pearls wouldn’t hurt once in a while either. ha ha ha…

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